Impact of Mental Illness On Well Siblings: A Sea of Confusion

Impact of Mental Illness On Well Siblings: A Sea of Confusion Adapted from an article by Thomas C. Jewell, Ph.D., in THE JOURNAL, published by the California NAMI. It is now understood that mental illness in a family creates a ripple effect that can capsize well siblings, and lead them to feel as though they are plummeting downward into a sea of confusion, despair, hopelessness, anger, and grief. With tremendous effort, some siblings can keep themselves afloat; others depend on parents or other family members to swim alongside and lift their heads above water periodically; friends and other support systems such as churches serve as life preservers for many; still others require direct intervention by mental health professional lifeguards. All will carry the impact of mental illness through adulthood. Childhood and Adolescence Not many unafflicted siblings escape experiencing at least one (if not several) traumatic experiences as they age. The traumas include learning about the psychiatric diagnosis of a brother or sister for the first time and witnessing the family confusion and stress that often manifests itself via arguments. Other traumas include witnessing a sibling's: mental hygiene arrests, severe drug abuse, physical threats or assaults, suicide attempts, bizarre and frightening behavior, and homelessness. For many siblings, the home can become a war zone, the saddest part of which is that the enemy called mental illness has taken over your loved one before your very eyes. As a result, some siblings report that they experience dual lives as they try to conceal their pain, confusion, and strife from others. Some siblings create the appearance that they lead a carefree, happy life by not telling others about mental illness or family chaos. This can limit the quality of connections with peers, because such dual lives often preclude genuine, open relationships with others. Family rituals and celebrations are often interrupted by mental illness. Although many siblings acknowledge that their parents were doing the best they could, siblings frequently feel neglected or ignored. Child and adolescent siblings of people with mental illness often experience role ambiguities and confusion. Many adolescent siblings appropriately try to become more autonomous and forge connectedness with people outside of the family. However, siblings may also feel a strong sense of responsibility toward parents and they may choose to help out in ways that ease their parents' burden. Stigma is a life long issue for siblings: fear that others will find out about the mental illness; fear that one will be judged or blamed for its onset; fear about losing friendships due to others' fear of psychiatric patients. Countless siblings speak of the pain they experience when reflecting upon their parents. It is not uncommon for adult siblings to provide help for their ill siblings to ease the burden of care on aging parents. Almost invariably, siblings will address the question of their own future involvement, or lack thereof, with their ill loved one. Many siblings report that they feel a commitment to care for their ill sibling, to provide assistance for parents (especially those who are aging), and to attend to their own personal lives. Such multifaceted commitments can leave many siblings feeling drained and torn about where to spend their mental, physical, and emotional energies. Coping and Strengths Many brothers and sisters begin an information seeking crusade to acquire information and skills. Clergy and spirituality play an important role for many, as do organized support groups and advocacy organizations such as NAMI. Many siblings reach out to trusted others for support and assistance. Siblings also seek professional help and counseling under some circumstances. Unfortunately, other siblings begin using negative coping strategies such as dissociation or drugs and alcohol as a way to dull the pain. Some siblings choose to withdraw from peers and self-isolate. Avoidance of emotions and denial is a similar type of coping strategy that some siblings rely on to get them through the day. Complete detachment from the family of origin is yet another route that some siblings take. It is noteworthy that individual siblings can use both positive and negative coping strategies. Furthermore, siblings' coping strategies often evolve over time as personal and family circumstances change. Many adult siblings indicate that they feel more independent, dependable, compassionate and tolerant of others as a result of coping with mental illness. Some report that the family experience of mental illness leads them to re-think the importance of life events, develop a healthy perspective, and value meaningful and long lasting relationships with others.