I am a Combat PTSD Veteran of the First Gulf War, I saw hectares of blood stained sands strung as the death clock clicked, chimed and claimed 45,000 lives. I lay witness, on point for the 3rd brigade of the 1st AD and beheld the 20,000 lives my unit snuffed in three bloody campaigns lasting 100 hours. I drove for 172 hours straight without sleeping, yes that's 7 days, on drugs they force me to take. Shamelessly quoting myself :) I wish to dispel the the Jarhead Myth
I can speak on the horrors of flashbacks; memories that materialize and steal my reality to those thousands of enemy soldiers being wiped out in hours; the struggle with dissociative features of Combat PTSD as it threatens to engulf me everyday for the last 20 years. Imagine you are having a happy moment and the next thing you know visions of bodies and carnage engulf your view, confusion rings and the struggle to return to war or remain in the present resounds and sometimes I do not know where I left off or began. So, I pick it up where my slipped consciousness puts me and take my cues from those around me as to the reality of the situation sets in.
Today I understand these moments for what they are, a window into a place I tried to shut off. I have learned that this window, when open needs aired out. So I feel it and go with what nature needs me to understand. To live my purpose is to find a way.
Just percolating an idea for a paper I have 25 days to write, title is solid. Just needs fleshing out now...
Read the complete post at http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/PtsdASoldiersPerspective/~3/J26_uIcIHEA/memories-flashbacks-and-dissociation-as.html
Posted
Jun 05 2011, 03:45 PM
by
PTSD: A Soldier's Perspective