This is for those out there who are having a rough time. Those who are not just walking into dark places of the mind, but living there. Those who have seen and done much, and are now having trouble in life. Too many of you have lately left this world by your own hand, and to those thinking about it I want to share some stories and some thoughts. It's a bit of compare and contrast, because I want to share a bit about some who went out a different way, as well as do a Paul Harvey on some who went out by their own hand. Over the weekend, someone I knew in high school lost their fight with cancer. A nasty type of cancer, but one that for a while we all thought might be beat. Thinking back about them, high school, and related things brought back some other memories and -- my mind being a slightly weird place -- a different type of loss. Summer was a sunny person, puns somewhat intended. She was attractive, popular, and a lot of things I was not and am not. We were not close, but she was the type that made things happen, wanted good and fun things for all, and refused to concede that things could or should be any other way. Think of her as the anti-goth, and you would be pretty much on the money. She did a lot, and inspired a lot just by being her. I strongly suspect that when Death came for her, the end was put much more on her terms before Death even realized what was happening. Her admonition that no one wear black to her funeral says it all. Even under these circumstances, she makes me smile. She also made me think of high school, not my favorite time of life, and about some of the people (and characters) I knew then. In fact, I continue to be amazed that we have not lost more than we have, particularly out of my class. Our class chant included the phrase that there were no more like us, to which faculty, staff, and administration were known to say "Thank God!" Fair enough, and true enough. I'm still horrified that the Air Force entrusted nuclear weapons to one in my class, as I knew no one in high school that would (with just cause) have trusted them with a burnt-out match. We've lost a few, mostly to accident and illness. We also lost someone special while in high school. Not in my class, but a year above me and someone I knew and had known for most of my life. Outgoing, popular, attractive (again, things I am not) and with the world literally their oyster for the taking. Someone who shot themself when part of that world changed. What happened to them was significant, and the choices they faced as a result would have changed their life in different ways depending on how they dealt with the issue. Instead of taking any path towards life, they decided that death was the only option, and took it. Today, I look back on what happened with sadness and, honestly, some small disgust at the drama and the choices made. My main thought is "What a waste." Sadly, it wasn't just their life that was wasted. Their father changed, withdrew, and I suspect saw some impact to their career as a result. Worse, the personal impact to him caused him to pull in from others, and they had done much for a variety of children and people in the area. Their mother also withdrew a bit, and changed. Forever hurt because their oldest child never thought of coming to them with the issue, making her doubt much in her life. Their sibling had also been an outgoing person, full of life and quite sharp from what I knew of them. That sibling's life ended in many respects with that suicide, as they withdrew, changed, and focused away from much of the life they had lived before. I kept in touch sporadically with them for a while, but lost touch and hope that they have built a new and happy life. I tried hard to not show how much the loss meant to me. Lot of reasons, but the person in question had shown me some small mercies, and one large kindness (that came out of an effort to be nasty by others as part of high school fraternity/sorority initiations) that had meant the world to me. This person took their life during a period of a bit over a year when it seemed like everyone I knew who cared for me as me (and for whom I prayed) died. To have it be by their own hand, well... It was not the last time I saw a family and others damaged by suicide. My paternal grandfather had taken his life as a result of the Great Depression, and that act shaped and affected my Dad until the day he died. It impacted others in the family, and shaped a number of interactions to come. Another in the family took their own life when I was a young adult, and I saw what it did to their immediate family and some friends. One of their sons, a cousin who I much respected for their photography and artistic ability, took their life right as I returned from my first embed to Iraq. He and I were of an age, and I am still processing some of my feelings in regards his end. And, yes, I lay part of their choice on the choice their parent made. Sad to say, I've seen the results from many suicides. It may be a way out for those that take it, but what it does to those left behind is such that it would be kinder to take a knife and spill their guts out so that it takes days for them to...
Read the complete post at http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/Blackfive/~3/kM_glrtWiA8/thoughs-of-suicide-prevention.html
Posted
Apr 11 2011, 01:36 AM
by
BLACKFIVE